Candi Miller
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Conversations
with my Mother

Myra, on her Mind

2/11/2019

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​When her confusion isn’t making her anxious, Myra is morbidly fascinated, even half-amused, by her diminishing cognitive function.
— I’m losing my mind, you know. I hope I don’t find it again or I’ll have to sort out this mess.
   (She indicates the dishevelled dressing gown   state she’s chosen to remain in today.)
 
-- It’s like my mind’s gone on holiday.
Picture
It's like my mind has floated off, like a balloon. It's above me, I can see a string, but I can't grab it.
A while back I suggested she knit a little cardigan for her new great grand-daughter. The idea delighted her, but she kept veering into anxiety: she might not be able to follow the pattern, or work with two lots of wool, or remember how to cast on, etc.  

She did remember when I put the wool and needles into her hand. Muscle memory kicked in. As her fingers flew to the task she looked visibly relieved. By the time she’d cast-on and clicked  out two rows, she was cheerful and chatty. 
 
— Funny, isn’t it? My brain can’t remember, but my fingers can.
 
— You used to knit a lot and were very good at it.
 
Again she became distracted so I picked up the knitting and did a row, muttering about how slowly I knitted by comparison with her, bemoaning the fact that I didn’t even understand the terminology in patterns. ST; G; CO. 
 
--I wish they’d come up with a way to take what’s in my brain and transplant it into yours. Then the knowledge wouldn’t be wasted, she said.

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    ​Bearing witness to memories made and lost.  And to the pain of being dementia kin and/or carer. 
     


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  • Home
  • Grandi
    • Grandi's blog
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    • News
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